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~♥ Two Become One ♥~I've Found The One Whom My Soul Loves February 25 Count it all joy...I confess that I have been waiting impatiently for God to bring us together through our Visa application. Putting myself in the way of God's Will has caused anger, stress, bitterness and strife in so many areas of my life. But God is still Good to me. You see, even though I have struggled with trusting the Lord's timing and purpose for this trial, He is drawing us closer to Himself through scripture and prayer and continuing to grow us, bless us as a couple with our new son, restored relationships, released us from grudges and resentment and healed our illnesses as they come and go. As we continue to live separate during this time I am reminded to be grateful because I can smile, in fact even feel completely overwhelmed with joy! James 1:2-3 "My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience." In times like these, in such a corrupt world, just as it must of felt like to people in biblical times, so lost and hurting, complaining and selfish. Trying to fill our void with earthly desires. I've learned through this that we cannot try to make ourselves feel better by using our own ideas and projections as to why this is happening. Proverbs 35:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths." I never knew there was anything other than morbid hardship of living so far away from my Husband, and for him to not have the privilege to hold his firstborn son, but there is light at the end of this tunnel, this trial. Even more so, a gratitude for our existence. Because it is so much more than just an existence, rather an opportunity with the Savior, a path. We, like so many others are pilgrims on our Christian journey. Consider that this life has one of two destinations. Ours being eternity with Christ, the lesser chosen path. But in the Word there is the knowledge, not just for the head but for the heart. A comfort and strength I never knew before. Ps 119:105 "Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path."
Thank you for your continuous prayers and support over the years. We are so blessed! We pray for you in your trials and in your triumphs on your journey as well. God is Good!
December 28 Season's GreetingsMerry Christmas!
and
Happy New Year!
We look forward to hearing from you how God has been blessing you and yours this new year! September 19 Joseph Stirling Born September 15th, 2008Blessed be the name of the Lord! Summer and baby are slowly recovering and this new beginning is being heavily prayed over! During this special time we ask you remember that Andrew is not able to be with Joseph during this precious start of his son's life. So, please join us in prayer to not only give thanks, but also to ask God's protection and continuous healing on Summer and for Andrew to come home so they may be a complete family soon.
4:00am I couldn’t sleep anymore! 6:00am Left for hospital for scheduled induction. 6:20am I checked into admissions, then taken to my room where an IV is started and I get some toast & juice. 7:00am Dr. does internal check and I’m dilated to 1cm and soft. 7:15am Dr. inserted pill to cervix, started slight cramping with contractions every 2 minutes until he was born. 9:00am Nurse checks me and I am dilated to 2cm. 10:00am Dr. returns and does internal check and breaks water. 10:30am I am given fluid in IV . 11:00am Nurse does internal check and I am 3cm then given epidural. Epidural was brilliant! No pain, even though I was dilating 1 cm an hour. 2:30pm Started pitocin and dialed to 7cm, but stayed 7cm till 5:30pm. 5:30pm Dr. suggested that Joseph was large and stuck in too high and that we had two hours to make a choice to try C-Section instead of Vaginal Birth. We prayed over it. 6:00pm Felt harder contractions, so there was an increase in epidural meds and pitocin to keep it going. 7:00pm felt the need to push, waited for Dr. to show up and gave some starter pushes. Baby dropped dramatically and arrived unassisted at 7:39pm.
This was an awesome experience! Praise God! All the hospital staff and doctors were wonderful and treated me very caring and special. I only needed 2 small stitches after delivery and there was no other damage! It was the best delivery ever! & Joseph is nursing great!
May 27 BlossomThe repeated chorus of “Blessed Be The Name of The Lord” by Tree 63 began to creep quietly from my clock radio speakers at 5:30 a.m. this morning. Instantly, a smile drew across my sleepy face as I slowly rolled (and I mean rolled!) over carefully to see the red digital numbers from my night stand confirm that my sleep time was indeed over. I listened to the song finish as I sat up in bed getting a mindset ready for my morning fast walk. The alert birds outdoors from my window caught my attention as they were noisily chirping and going about their morning routine, just as I was beginning mine.
After a brief leg stretch on the front steps and I turned from my sleeping house and took a deep breath and began my walk. All of nature is busy preparing for the day. I am forced to chuckle as I observe an enchanted Disney-like forest atmosphere with the numerous bunnies, squirrels, and birds almost everywhere I look. Neighborhood yards and homes begin to pass by quickly. Some houses are still sleeping, while few glow softly with dim lights shinning from within. Of course there are at least one or two pet dogs along the path that are let out to their lawn and fiercely protect their sleepy family with their growling and barking. My walk continues.
The warm weather has brought forth so much of God’s beauty. Just as I am blossoming with our unborn child in my womb, the trees have begun to burst with small flowers and now green leaves. My senses delight in the visual panoramic floral scene as I stop and briefly smell the morning flowers. A simple understanding comforts my spirit and I smile. I praise the Lord for my life and all that is included in it. Some situations feel like impossible trials in which God is calling me to let go of my fears of immigration hassles and completely surrender my life and the new life of our son yet to come all to Him, yet again. I fight the good fight, and I admit not perfect or always willingly. 1 Timothy 6:6-12 “Fight the good fight of the faith, lay hold on the life eternal, whereunto thou hast called, and didst confess the good confession in the sight of many witnesses.”
I sigh deeply, as though breathing in more of the Holy Spirit. As I am confronted with the crisp morning breeze I release my breath and God makes the painful void in my heart vanish. Psalm 121:7 “The LORD will keep you from all harm he will watch over your life;". Blessed be the Name of the Lord! February 03 What to Expect...I listened to the winter wind gently blow against the windows as I cozy into the corner of my couch with my blanket. Gazing from the window I watch as another animated snowfall with oversized snowflakes flood the scenery outdoors. With a tender smile, I closed my eyes and placed my hands over my womb to silently thank the Lord for the new miracle that is taking place inside me. The incredible gift and honor of an unborn child growing within is quite miraculous to believe. Tears begin to fill my eyes as I feel my womb and cradle the increasing joy I experience and yet I cling helplessly to Christ for the loneliness I sense. I miss my Husband deeply. He is my closest friend and greatest encourager. Because we walk with Christ together, our lives continue to intertwine wonderfully regardless of the distance. There are so many things in life that only my Husband can understand, and truly speak my mind. I thank God for him.
I reflect on all of the choices, lessons and trials we have experienced over the last few years and thank the Lord for His sovereignty. Growing in the Lord has always involved growing pains. Just as I encounter craps in my womb and morning sickness at 3am; these “pains” are needed in order for this child to be prepared for the world in which it will enter if that is God’s Will. So must we grow in the Lord as One. Not even 4,000 miles of freezing ocean can separate what God has joined. Our hearts and minds are as a Husband and Wife. We need Andrew here more than ever before. I have never needed to practice self control more than I do now. I must continue to guard myself for the baby and stay strong. Philippians 4:13 “I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.” My emotions are everywhere and I feel so fatigued. It would be so easy to give into temptations and act on anger or feel bitter to those who trespass against me. Today I find comfort in the midst of perseverance because remember that I am God’s child and He disciplines because His love is that of the Almighty Father. Proverbs 13:1 “A wise son accepts his father's discipline, But a scoffer does not listen to rebuke.”
Andrew, thank you for joining the “New Dad’s” website, and for buying the “What to Expect When Your Expecting” book and giving all your finances, love and time to us. You are already an incredible dad for this child! Thanks for bridging the gap between us with the best of your ability. May God bring you home soon! This is the desire of my heart.
Psalm 37:4 “Delight yourself in the LORD; And He will give you the desires of your heart.”
December 02 My Delight & My DesireHow do I describe it? A magical sensation.. a reality above comprehension.. a dream. I just know it is Love.. oneness, rapture, peace. all my desires rolled into one. It's my lovely, precious & adorable wife. It's gonna be our 2 year anniversary in a few weeks.. 28th Dec. We will be meeting up again - together, no obstacles, incumbrances, distractions.. Just US.. what a dream.. what a delight.. I can't wait. We had such an amazing time with all of us together as a family.. Summer & I, Jaelyn & Garret.. just enjoying Scotland together & family time.. first time all in the same place. It was amazing. But I selfishly await my love on her own.. just me & her.. isolated, separated from the world, devotedly available.. attention giving. I am all hers.. and she is mine. Song of songs time to reflect on our love. I need to escape this enforced reality.. work, work, and endurance time alone.. why are we not together?.. I don't know.. but I am trusting it will be soon.. prayerfully so.. needfully so. I need my love, my darling, my wife.. my Summer - the one for me. I just am amazed at the reality of our passion.. of my heart's cry, of my body's need. It's no longer sex, ownership, escape, or selfishness.. just the need to give to my darling that what is hers.. ME.. and receive hers in kind.. merging, flowing together & being still together - as one - never in a rush. Just appreciating & delighting. Time stands still when I look into her eyes & feel her love washing over me.. her touch, caress & delight in me - seem misplaced as I never feel deserving of it.. but let it flow over me like a wave of passion.. really cold to sharpen the senses, yet really hot to scold the awareness & desire. It has never left - even though my love is in a distant land and we are forced to be apart - I need her so bad & I dream of her always. My prayers & drive are towards our being together always as one. We have many obstacles.. .. lonliness, reality of circumstance, the enemy, facts.. whatever to remind us that we are not together. But we have have a wonderful Father who has promised we will be together.. He just didn't tell me WHEN.. so I'll wait patiently.. try to be ever loving in a very difficult situation & pray my darling is as ever loving also - because I am quite a handful to her I'm sure.. and I know she is as I am in wondering why it is taking so long.. and when it will be realised. So what is this? where did this, desire & passion, devotion arise?.. who cares.. I just delight in being given this opportunity to love & to be loved. & delight in the love & passion of this wonderful woman that God has brought into my life - tis no longer just 'I' but ' we' and 'us'. I am no longer my own.. but hers also.. and she is mine. So.. when she comes.. forgive me if I am not around.. or communicative with you. My love is here.. and I am wholeheartledly & devotedly hers. How can I describe our time together?.. well I can't really - I just disappear.. into the realms of love, and delight & desire. I want nothing else but her. and I am never disappointed. she gives herself to me. so excuse me if I wave bye to this reality for a few precious days. I am my beloved's.. and my beloved is mine. Summer: I love you so much - I ask all to pray peace & protection on your journeys and our time together. I would also ask all that they entreat God to speed our coming together as a family. I pray God get's me there asap.. Until then,, I thank God for our love & relationship.. and delight in our times together - as & when they happen.. and humbly pray that God helps us be the best for one another in the mean time. I remain always & forever, your love, your husband and your friend. xoxoxo Andrew xoxoxo August 07 Family Holiday Scotland 2007The first nine photo albums to the right are dedicated to our holiday in Scotland.
Our Holiday in Scotland included…
…traveling 8,710 miles in the air over land and over seas …driving 1,500 miles throughout Scotland …lovely beaches, feeding the swans which occupied the shallow shores and catching a glimpse of the bottle nosed dolphin pods playing in the deeper waters in the Tay River. …cruising in a charming ship atop the 700 foot deep waters of the tremendous Loch Ness. …shopping the busy streets of the Royal Mile in the capital, Edinburgh to the local shops in Dundee. …viewing landscapes covered in rich green foliage, spotted with occasional sheep and Clydesdale horses and the Highland cows. …touring the home and resting place of the Scottish poet Robert Burns in the town of Dumfries. …driving the curvy and precarious roads of the Highlands of Scotland on our way to and from the Highland Capital of Inverness to capture the rare beauty of the Highland mountain tops and the glens and assorted rivers and forests that protect various castles. …traveling to pay a visit to family in Dumfries, Glasgow, and Perth to the North Inch Park and also our wonderful friends in Arbroath. …touring the capital, Edinburgh in a topless double decked tour bus, listening to our Scottish tour guide reveal the legends and mysteries of past Scotland. …relaxing and exploring the grounds and shores of St Andrews beach and historical castle. …playing in the enormous park at Camperdown in Dundee. Riding the go-cars. paddle boats and resting on the green grass hills in the sunshine. …residing in a beautiful, new and spacious three bedroom, three bath, three story home. All thanks to the precious hospitality of our special friend Sheenagh!
No schedules and no rushing. Our senses were overwhelmed from the panoramic views, incredible sounds, delicious foods, invigorating waters, and gorgeous climate. We managed to do everything from kite flying, seashell collecting, picnics, football tossing, nature walking, movie watcing, shopping, sight seeing the cities and the country side, eating at “Chipper” shops, and ultimately embracing our family together as God intended. We did it all!
Thank you Andrew from us all for going completely over-the-top to provide, entertain, and love our family so completely wonderfully! We didn’t want to go home. We are especially grateful to the Lord, in which we have been blessed with this incredible opportunity of a lifetime. The paths He has created in our lives have been considered an amazing adventure over time and across the seas. The prayers and support of our friends and family have been our hope and strength. May God continue to bless you all abundantly!
God bless you Andrew for accepting the whole "package". We truly look forward to being reunited again. July 04 GreatfulGreatful!! Thankful & overawed.. what on earth did I do? and what on earth am I doing? I don't believe I did anything right then & am sorry to say I am not doing anything right now.. I am just thankful God is on my side & blessing me so much .. and especially so since I am married to the most precious darling in the world. I really need wisdom & guidance.. why? Coz I wanna be the best for my darling & I realise I fall short of my own expectations.. let alone my sweetheart's or my God. I really do feel out of my depth in my marriage.. not because I am unable.. I just struggle.. am I unwilling?.. why do I fight? I really do not know.. all I know is I have been given the most precious gift and I think I am wasting it. I love my movie's - loads of em.. I watched a couple recently.. Braveheart.. wow what an amazing film.. so passionate, trancending love, gripping and inspiring.. I also just watched Outbreak.. I don't know why I like it so much.. the race for life saving treatment, integrity versus power, or the realisation of devotion to a love held dear.. but in watching them I knew something.. that should be me.. I am to love my wife as Christ loved the Church & gave Himself up for her. What do I do? .. I fear to answer.. I am ashamed really.. I know I should do more.. yet.. I battle.. not really sure sometimes what against. Why did Adam give in so early to temptation.. why do men go their own way so readily.. why do we have so much pride? I don't know.. I just know I need more wisdom.. need more guidance.. and I need to remind my darling more what a princess she is to me.. and keep praying God help's her see my endeavours and that I love her so much.. and I pray she knows even despite my past failures that I would give my life for her. That even the movies are not that far removed - ie that it is not a fantasy.. I would fight for her with my dying breath - even against my own stupidity - and that without her.. life is not the same nor ever will be. My life is not the same.. and never will seem so again.. I met & fell in love with the most complex yet most beautiful of darlings.. I know she complete's me yet I know there is so much hassle & anguish there.. but God chose here for me.. my circumstances & situation are no longer my own,, I am hers & hers alone.. I do not dare mess about.. even if it seems I can do so.. I AM hers. No messin. Summer.. I really am glad I married you.. I delight in our time ahead in the summer with the children in Scotland. I pray we have a blessed time together.I am so delighted to be your husband, I know we have our differences & difficulties.. but I am 100% yours.. always & forever. Our circumstances may seem ( seem?.. sorry.. ARE!!!! ) difficult because of the distance.. but I am so blessed & thankful that you are willing to stay by my side. Overall.. I know I am not perfect & I make mistakes.. and argue otherwise.. but I AM yours.. you are mine and we are His workmanship awaiting His perfect creation. I love you Summer with all of my failing heart, giving heart & enduring heart.. I will always give you the best that I can.. and remain, prayerfully , always & forever your devoted husband.. your lover & your friend.. eternally xoxoxox Andrew xoxoxox June 05 Time apart......over two years apart, with four short visits in between
difficult?
pray for us... March 27 Birthday Blessings...Happy Birthday Andrew! Celebrate for him on March 31st!! Forever Yours,
Summer December 19 Living My Dreams...Half past midnight dimly glowed red from the digital clock on my bed stand as I turned to my side cozying into the pillows. Here I was… still alone, almost a year since we wed. The mind-racing of visa paperwork and lawyer policies made me restless. My only remedy was to center my thoughts of the only place I want to be, in my Husband’s arms again. The silence of the room began to cradle my imagination as I closed my heavy eyes. My body started to give way to slumber as I began reminiscing of the nights I rested my head on his chest while I listened to his steady heartbeat with my arm draped around him. The rhythm set me into a trance. Eventually I was released into a deep sleep. Slowly, the dark canvas of my unpainted dreams began to illuminate with a soft flicker of radiance. The dying candlelight in our room calmed the dancing shadows on the wall. I had returned, if only momentarily our souls collided together in my dream. We lay breathing together peacefully in one another’s arms for the first time as Husband and Wife the night of our wedding. We chatted about our journey thus far and the fantastic events of the day… Just earlier that evening, after our wedding ceremony, on the way to the cab I took a moment to relish the beauty of the large snowflakes that fell in the night sky as we walked past the busy streets filled with late shoppers. With close friends, we all commuted to our flat where we toasted the night away with laughter and lovely champagne. Prayers of protection and thanks were made over our marriage before our guests parted their way out into the cold December streets of Scotland. Holding back my tears, I humbly prayed silently giving thanks for this incredible adventure God has blessed me with. My Husband and I closed the night toasting quietly together with two fresh glasses of champagne. He smiled at me while lovingly adoring me in my white dress. Making me feel like the most loved and admired woman in the world, he kissed me slowly. The night was ours, he was now my Husband and I became his Wife… finally. Thank you to all of our family and friends who continue to support and encourage us while we live an ocean apart. The plans have been made and I excitingly look forward to celebrating our first wedding anniversary and New Years together again in Scotland. ~God Bless December 01 What if?what if..?? what about tomorrow?? I just don't know.. I hold on to God's promises.. I feel terrified.. dreading a possible outcome.. but I have to hold on to hope.. God is on my side.. and in one sense I don't care.. it's really eerie.. .. it's when I see my love.. the look.. that smile.. the shine out of that face towards me.. yes me.. I can't believe it sometimes.. but it IS towards me.. wow.. what a feeling.. a waterfall.. of delight.. of such a sense of amazement & wonder.. she comes on.. looks at me & smiles.. she loves me.. I almost can't take it.. almost I said.. but oh how I relish it.. I need it.. I want it so bad.. I need her in my arms.. in my life.. I WANT IT NOW!! and because of this.. I know I will take it as it comes.. I do want it now.. but if I have to wait.. I'll wait.. and I'll wait with love.. with pride.. with delight.. I may rally against it sometime.. cos I want it NOW!!.. but I will wait.. I'll hold off.. I'll be the best for my lady in this difficult situation.. not because I have to.. because.. I want to.. I want my eyes to shine back the same love I feel... I want my warmth ^ desire & delight to blast forth and reasure my love that she is worth waiting for.. my life may have been a disaster before.. but now I know different.. now I can show forth a better example.. tomorrow holds so much possible change.. and I have no control.. what if?.. so many questions.. so many outcomes.. but my love is worth holding out for.. I'll wait.. I'll fight.. I'll do my best.. My flesh & my heart may fail but.. God is the strength of my heart & my portiion forever Blessed be the name of the LORD. I love you Summer.. It would bless my heart so much to be in your arms soon.. it's my hope.. and you are my joy & delight.. but I will wait for you.. not matter what.. I need your love.. your smile.. your desire.. and I want to be the best for you.. I am always & forever yours my Love.. your devoted husband Andrew xxxxx November 01 Let no man seperate...
Praise the Lord! We have an interview date set for the beginning of December 2006! Please pray for my Husband's journey's and for his visa to be approved immediately. October 18 A Red, Red Rose...O my luve's like a red, red rose. That's newly sprung in June; O my luve's like a melodie That's sweetly play'd in tune. As fair art thou, my bonnie lass, So deep in luve am I; And I will love thee still, my Dear, Till a'the seas gang dry. Till a' the seas gang dry, my Dear, And the rocks melt wi' the sun: I will luve thee still, my Dear, While the sands o'life And fare thee weel my only Luve! And fare thee weel a while! And I will come again, my Luve, Tho' it were ten thousand mile! by Robert Burns August 23 The Swing...The sunshine glorified the perfect blue, cloudless sky that afternoon. My small hands clutched the rope tightly by my chin as my sandaled feet clung to the inside of the old tire while I swung aimlessly under the tree. The late summer breeze carried my soft, high-pitched giggle through the shaded open yard on the farm. My firm grip on the rope allowed me to extend my tan little arms so I could raise my face towards the sunrays peaking through the lazy green-leaved branches. An angelic walk in the clouds could not compare to my childhood bliss at that moment.
The relaxed smile on my face was rudely interrupted by a freezing cold water balloon crashing into my arms. I quickly sprung off the tire-swing, landing on all fours. My brown eyes rapidly narrowed as started searching above in the trees for the possible suspect(s), my brothers. Then again, just before I could focus past the water droplets running down my face another swift water-bomb! Without hesitation, I dashed towards the house for cover. All the while, wailing my tattling siren full-blast. I barely escaped certain doom just as I reached the iron railing. Almost loosing my footing from beneath myself, I pulled my short body up the front steps of the door to the house.
Drying off in the bathroom, being careful not disturb the perfect fold of the embroidered hanging towels. My eyes starred off into the porthole of my devious mind, scheming of my revenge. A loud knock at the door abruptly pulled me back to my cold and wet pig-tailed reality. I jetted out from the bathroom towards the basement. There I sat, where all my best creations began, under the basement steps by the comic books. My thoughts kept repeating the cost I would pay to have incredible weather-like superpower like “Storm” or perhaps the paralyzing power of “Rouge”. After sighing deeply, I accepted the fact that I had to improvise. Then a grin slowly crept across my face… ...to be continued ~Summer August 11 One Year Ago...It was just over one year ago, when we finally met face to face. Thinking back I smile, how nervous and delighted we were to be in one another’s company for the first time. I am still here pining for my love, stronger than ever before. Today, I allow my thoughts to warp me to another time, away from my current reality, back to the cobble streets of St Andrews, Scotland… Hand in hand, my then fiance and I strolled the streets of this small, yet famous town which boarders the North Sea. Summertime in Scotland is wonderfully different compared to my home in the mid-west United States. The mild temperature and cool breeze made the sunshine welcome. The landscape flowed with the gorgeous greens, and the dramatic hues of the grey stone architectures. Peak tourist season was obvious from the variety of people walking the streets. From one person to the next, the busy exploration of people would occasionally allow someone to brush closely by me. An array of accents could be heard. From the Scottish and the French, to the British, even Japanese. A diversity of people, all brought together in such a beautiful place. We toured the medieval churches and castles that had been withered by the salty sea air and time. Almost paying homage to the past. Like a minuet, my mind hauntingly portrayed transparent souls chatting and walking about the grounds. Speechless, and in awe of the beauty before me. We climbed atop the long and narrow stonewall which lead us to the harbor. Approaching the edge, I gripped the iron rail firmly. Gazing out to the horizon, the circumference of my vision was mesmerized by the cobalt blue sky meeting with the icy sea. The swift and strong breeze whipped my hair back, giving me a slight chill. Then again, the cozy sun rays kissed my skin, bringing perfect balance. That moment was so stunning, so breathtaking. For a moment, all my senses were in harmony with the environment. The sturdy iron ladder allowed us to step down to the sandy shore. Children were wading in the shallow salt water. Laughter and chatter blended with the placid waves rolling unto the shore. My core silently begged my senses to take every moment captive. Being held secure in the arms of my love, while watching the sea’s constant motion. My deepest sigh could not release the astonishing amount of splendor my heart felt at that very instant. Thank you again Andrew, my love… for allowing me into your amazing world. I eagerly await the day I return to the one whom my soul loves. July 12 Blessed Be His Name...Every morning the aroma of fresh brewed coffee flows through the house. The scent pleasantly encourages my senses to draw a slight smile upon my face, waking me from my deep slumber. My tired eyes are sensitive to the morning sunlight seeping in through the windows. It’s a new day, I can’t help but grin.
I wander slowly through the silent, sleeping house to the kitchen for my favorite coffee cup. The quiet allows the pouring of steaming hot coffee to echo around the kitchen walls. Gently grasping my cup of warm goodness; I close my heavy eyes and bow my head as I enter into the Lord’s Prayer. Tiny birds sweetly chirping from the old oak tree in the backyard remind me to keep moving. The summertime brings such beautiful mornings.
After dressing for the day, I slip on my sandals and grab the watering canister from the front porch. I deeply breathe in the fresh morning air upon opening the screen door as I walk out to prune and water my flowers. Dew from the morning grass kiss each step I take. I close my eyes and raise my face towards the warm rays from the new sunrise. Again, I can’t help but smile. I whisper to the Lord my gratitude. Asking for His presence throughout my long day. To teach me and guide me.
My precious flowers are so beautiful, so fragile. Pruning the dead blooms and showering them with fresh water is necessary. Day after day, I watch new blossoms multiply. There are times when I must separate the flowers so that they may grow in new soil. In a short manor of time, they too begin to bloom and propagate with vibrate colors.
It is calm moments in time like these when I feel the Lord’s presence so strong, even though I know He is always with me. Not just when life is beautiful, but every hour of every day. I call upon His Name often. There are times when I wait till I have wandered away and am hurting until I cling to His Feet. Keeping the in the Word daily makes those times fewer. He is teaching me, and pruning me.
It seems like only duty has kept those flowers alive. For the most part I can keep up this simple chore in the morning. God blesses me immeasurably through these responsibilities. I am thankful He not only watches over all of us day and night, but He watches over us with Love and Mercy.
I can not fathom His Love for us. The humility I feel within is almost painful, yet my soul cries with joy for what the Lord has does for us. His Grace.. His Love…He is Sovereign…
May you feel the blessings God showers on your day today.
Blessed be the Name of the Lord! June 03 heavy heart.. but smiling joyfully..gaasspp!................ what a struggle.. chest constricted... feel like I'm sinking.. struggling to stay afloat.. paniking.. overwhelming.. body fighting to keep in control.. heart pumping like mad.. breathing erratic.. short , pulsing.. can't take it.. but I have to.. don't give up.. head thumping.. can't concentrate on anything else.. one focus.. everything else pales away.. motivation fading.. need to keep lethargy at bay.. 'never give up - never surrender'.. what a battle.. you may be wondering what's happening to me.. drowning?.. sinking?.. na.. just very much in love.. yet now apart from my sweet princess.. everything else is just not coming into place.. how I miss my love.... didn't realise it could be so tough.. but I wouldn't change it for the world.. I have never been so loved.. so in love.. WOW.. Scotland - May 2006.. what a time.. where do I start?.. can I? we did.. loads of.. nothing!!.. it was awesome.. ;) no plans.. no pressure.. no visitors.. WOW.. awesome.. 2 weeks of sheer bliss.. 2 weeks to look in to the eyes of the most beautiful darling in the world.. my love.. my gorgeous wife.. each glance like exploring a beautiful galaxy.. wonder & delight.. inspiring.. each one rendering me speechless.. but thankful.. 2 weeks of sweet nothings.. sweet everythings.. no focus other than delighting in each other's company.. I know.. where did we go?.. who did we see? what did we do?.. not a lot actually.. saw a friend or two.. went out to see a pal.. did some shopping, went out for a drink.. and nothing else.. well not exactly nothing... Some lovely red wine, some good beer, (not so good champagne..) plenty of good food - some delivered.. tons of movies.. (which we tried to see.. but .. well) and each other.. what a recipe.. We delighted in each other.. 24/7.. no set sleeping/waking pattern.. just when we wanted.. all that time to memorise my love.. devote myself, immerse myself in my lovers arms.. needless to say a lot can't be put in to words.. (or be printed for that matter.. ).. our time together was so amazing that I constantly give thanks to our glorious Father in heaven.. but.. the price was.. heartbreaking.. seeing my love off again.. and struggling each day without those loving arms.. our hearts ripped apart for another length of time - unknown - refusing to heal.. not wanting to.. yet determined to push on till we are together always.. the net is wonderful.. my love & I see one another everyday - profess our love - delight in each other's company.. but.. the damage is done.. it is not enough.. nothing compares to seeing those beautiful eyes or touching that lovely face.. and kissing those amazing lips.. I am not content.. as I said at the start.. it feels overwhelming.. but I know what I have to look forward to.. my true love & soul mate awaits.. God let it be soon.. very soon.. .. please.. but your will be done my Lord.. into your loving arms I place my hope & the care of my sweet wife Summer Marie McLauchlan.. I love you so much Summer and I miss you so much.. your devoted husband.. friend & lover.. Andrew xxxx April 19 HealingThe wait at a stop light allowed my tired eyes to wander towards the faint jet lines which streamed high in the late afternoon western sky. I began yearning to be in the window seat of a plane. A plane destined overseas to be in the arms of my precious Husband. My thoughts started taking me to another place where the cobalt blue sky congregated with the deep blue North Sea. The overwhelming desire to leave everything and travel back to Scotland called me intensely. Days and days of agonizing waiting for an approval from the government in response to our petitions made me feel like a prisoner to the unknown. I continuously give the pain from our separation to the Lord. Praying, begging for His comfort during this existence without my Husband. The warmth from the sun shining through my windshield made me feel as though God Himself began to absorb into my soul with the Holy Spirit. The fire of His promise to answer my prayers brought a solid sense of calm to my being. The light had changed to green. I continued to drive down the empty highway heading towards home. I repeated my prayers to God, to help me let go of the constant depression that wandered within me. My deepest sigh could not shake the sadness my spirit clang unto. I began to challenge myself with ideas of taking the risk of traveling again. Opening my mind to the thought of taking time from my daily responsibilities, to be with Andrew again. Knowing he suffered from the separation just as much as I. I could justify my suffering, but not his. I could go, I could manage to plan, somehow. I began to pray for guidance, for new doors to open. Helplessly I wait, not knowing when I would ever see my Husband again. Till now… God will answer those whom call upon His Name, those whom trust Him. The ticket is bought and in 20 days a healing process will begin. We choose what takes priority in our lives. I am a wife, first and foremost. A purpose a woman is created for. I must let no man separate what God has put together, for whatever reason. He will provide! Glory to God! I am on my way soon my love… think of our sweet embrace. It WILL be ours again. No distance, no law and no fear will ever keep us apart. I love you Andrew…
~Summer April 01 Off Balanceone shoe..... I'm limping.. doesn't feel right.. at least that's how it seems to me.. I thought I was well.. well suited, well balanced.. thought I had it all.. a load of the trappings of "success".. reasonable cash, good house, car, job, responsibility, status.. etc, etc.. but it took God to destroy all that .. left me raw in the process.. I lost it all.. then realised it was a mirage in the first place.. friends..weren't really friends.. support was never really there.. love wasn't what I thought it should be.. long story.. but I'm sure you get the jist.. cest la vive.. n all that.. but .. there were those that were there whom I never expected & God took me down a totally different route.. I thought at times I had found some answers & direction & was let down.. big time.. one constant in my life was the Lord.. He never let me go.. but I still thought I was right.. on track.. even in my depression I knew I was doing ok.. of sorts.. that all changed.. when I met HER.. yes HER.. Summer !! what did she do to me.. ?? words can't even express it all.. but it changed me radically.. how can I start.. ?.. a chance talk.. a hello.. a chat.. a blessing given & received.... sharing of life.. of experience.. of likes/dislikes.. what happened? a moving on to individual chat.. voice.. then cam.. but when did it become needed.. ?? not sure.. but I really started needing it.. missing it.. like a drug.. wanted more.. more.. paceing.. waiting.. soaking in every moment.. how I relished each time.. resolved to be sensible (like that lasted long.. huh..).. the distance n all.. yet I felt hooked.. wow.. every smile burned in my mind & heart.. every loving look was memorised.. & brought to remembrance often.. but (yes another one).. I had been hurt b4.. and there was the distance.. and all the nastiness people had said about me.. why bother?.. but I had been invaded.. my mind thought of nothing else.. taken over.. meeting was awesome.. amazing, fantastic.. incredible.. wow I could go on.. needles to say I proposed, and gained a wonderful woman as my bride to be & is now my gorgeous wife Summer.. am I blessed or what? .. now reflecting.. sadly.. wisely over all the past hurts.. did I actually have it all together as I thought at the time? now that I look back.. on friends who weren't.. and friends who became more than I had ever hoped I feel humbled.... friends in Scotland who stuck with me through everything.. I love em to bits.. but I now know that I was really not happy.. seeking for love & happiness in all the wrong places.. circumstance took me out of the race.. but God hadn't let go.. Never have I felt so completed, so happy, so loved.. so desired, so at home.. as I have in my beautiful wife's arms.... I am one.. with my love.. yet.. again.. realisation sets in.. there is the 4023 miles inbetween us.. God has given us many promises.. and previous words of blessing from my lovely family of God (in CLAN, COC Dundee, Gate Fellowship etc, etc).. we are apart at present and I am totally off balance.. but this time I recognise it.. I am missing my 'other half'.. the one who completes me.. but I am happy to endure.. coz God is on my side.. I will be with my love.. regardless.. I'll do what it takes.. I love her so much.. Summer my love.. I thank God for you.. for your love & delight.. when I thought I had it together God showed me I was really a mess.. now I know I AM a mess.. without you I am not complete.. but I am so happy.. when I see you I am blessed.. you take my breath away.. my heart swells & I am breathless.. I need you so bad.. amazingly so.. your gorgeous smile, adorable eyes, wonderful heart.. yet no sugar coating.. I got it real.. you showed me you.. your strengths & weaknesses ..whilst accepting mine also.. totally open.. learning more each day.. I walk every day.. as one who limps.. part of me is missing.. part of my heart, my side.. without you I am not complete.. but I am happy.. happy in your delivered & declared love every day,.. your loving eyes & amazing smile.. even our rough moments are so - becoz we are missing one another so.. but God is on our side.. I'll limp.. I'll regulate this heavy heart.. I'll take on whatever comes becoz the outcome will be amazing.. my love in my arms.. always & forever.. till death us do part.. for better or worse.. for better or worse.. for.. Off balance?.. yes I am.. wonderfully so.. but I see it now.. God has given me so much.. and I'll wait.. for you my love.. my soul mate.. my sweet princess.. with all my heart I am yours.. thank you for loving me so.. your beloved & devoted husband... x x x Andrew x x x March 30 Happy Birthday to My Husband!!!Happy Birthday Andrew!
We are praising God for you in our lives!!
Have a wonderful day!!!
Your Loving Wife,
Summer Marie February 23 Don't Let Go...My soul continues to search for comfort while we are apart. As I watch over my love as he sleeps I reflecting our growth as Husband and Wife… There was a time, not so long ago when the feeling of being loved by a man didn’t exist. Spending several years afraid that I would never know what it felt like to be loved. Almost forgetting what an amazing miracle love is. Anticipating the intoxicating emotions of desire and delight crash into my spirit, captivating my being. Being accepted, desired, and loved by such a remarkable man is like a dream at times. Scared that our love will slip away with the days we are apart. Before I met him, the knowledge of the Love of our Lord allowed me to sleep the lonely nights away. Time spent studying the Word and setting aside my selfish desires in order to have peace and contentment helped to get through my days. There are times as I turn away from the glow of my monitor asking myself if this is real. I reassure myself of the past holiday together as I browse through our wedding pictures. Then again as I play our slideshow from last summer, replaying our video at the beach over and over. Listening closely in my headphones to the waves gently roll in from the sea, closing my eyes and remembering as he held me securely in his arms. Tonight, I long for warmer days as the below zero winds knock on my windows. There is a powerful sense of security that grows wider in my heart each time I remind myself I AM loved. Loved not just by any ordinary man, but an amazing, loving man of God. A man who is open and honest, a man who fights daily temptations, fears our marriage as he fears the Lord and protects himself from others for me. Bearing with my insecurities, my fears and knocking issues and hassles on the head as they surface. Forgiving me, loving me, growing with me in the Lord. I refuse to let any amount of ocean separate our love. Thank you my love for not letting go of me… I long to be with you again. I love you Andrew…
February 08 When I see her..When I see her.. My heart feels like it’s on a slow gear.. each click of the cog is almost painful.. my heart fights.. my breath slows.. I almost forget to breathe.. my stomach aware of the stress clenches tight.. making breathing even harder.. eyes are locked on her.. hands still.. balmy palms.. body still.. like in shock.. I literally FORCE myself to move.. to speak.. yet scared to spoil the moment.. this wonderful vision before my eyes.. A slow fountain develops.. gasps of .. or waves of air run up my body.. internal & external pleasure.. like a shock making all my hair stand on end… first like bubbles refusing to stay down.. then slow waves.. my mind a swirl of emotion, wonder, delight, fear, passion.. ears click in.. listening.. intently.. needing a sound.. a sign.. a recognition.. “hiya sweetheart” wow.. a wave starts from the ears.. to the mind.. all over the body and to the mouth.. I cant help but smile,, beam.. like a well oiled machine that’s just been jump started.. total delight & pleasure envelope me like a blanket.. comforting my soul.. enraptured,, pleased..
This is my gorgeous wife.. mine always
What is man that you think of him Lord.. I feel humbled.. yet thoroughly delighted.. when I see her..
My Summer.. my darling.. my love.. February 02 Prayer...Please pray for us...
Pray for the petition we have sent out arrives safely and soon to the proper authorities.
Pray that those authorities approve our petition accurately and swiftly.
Pray that God have mercy upon us during this difficult seperation. January 24 Chasing my dream...My drowsy eyes roamed leisurely around my dim room. Mesmerized by the flicker of the lone candle at my bedside. Only the whistle of the wind seeping in the window from the chilly night air could be heard. It was time to let my restless mind, body and soul relax for the night. Gently blowing out my candle, I lay back to close my eyes for what seemed like forever… Full of vivid colour, acoustic sound, and intense emotion… I dreamt of him. As though God granted me one night of knowing the feeling of being fully loved. Overwhelmed with the undeniable sense of security you feel when your life has been embraced by another human being. For just one night, my room was warm and full of life. Sharing, encouraging, and returning my love with all that I am. Little did I know that my dream would one day become my reality. After years of waiting faithfully for my Husband, I am blessed with his love and devotion. Today, I am chasing that dream, passionately so. I am captivated and rapt by this love. This is the man of my dreams. I had found the one whom my soul loves. |
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